6 Texting Mistakes Guys Make with Women
Once upon a time, communication between the sexes while dating was much different. You spoke directly, or on the phone. You might write a letter or send a postcard. Today, things have changed. We can communicate by instant message, through apps like Snapchat or Facebook Messenger, and even through native texting apps on our phones. We’ve never been so connected, and it has never been easier to tell someone what you think of them.
That sounds like a great thing, doesn’t it? For the most part, it is. However, it can also be a very serious issue, at least where your dating game is concerned. It’s all too damn easy to stick your foot in your mouth via text, or for a seemingly innocent comment to throw cold water on that passion you’ve spent hours or even days building up.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you should put the damn phone down right now. It’s just too easy to screw things up. Even the simplest, most basic thing can come across wrong in text. You need to learn how to avoid those pitfalls before you start using texting to communicate with the women you meet.
What’s the Problem?
Before I explain the mistakes you’re making that are ruining your chances of finding romance, we need to explore what the issue actually is here. Why is texting so troublesome? Why are your words so much more likely to go astray through an instant message than if you were speaking in person? You’d say the same thing you just typed, so why would you get a flirty smile in person and a virtual slap in text/IM?
It’s because we lack all of the social cues that we as humans have evolved to need and use over our history on this planet. We’ve taken communication out of context. What was once done in person, or at least by voice, is now being done in the ether, with no tether to reality.
Simply put, it’s just too easy for what you type to be misconstrued in text. In person, she has your voice, your tonality, your eyes, and your body language to inform her of what you actually mean beyond your words. Even speaking on the phone, she at least has the tone of your voice so she can tell what your actual intentions are.
With text and IM, she has none of those things. Texting is divorced from reality, but we don’t usually realize that. Instead, guys blunder along like everything is perfectly fine.
It’s not. You’re shooting yourself in the foot. Put the phone down and learn how to avoid these pitfalls.
Texting Too Much
Picture this scenario: You met a beautiful woman while at the gym. You both enjoyed working out together, and exchanged numbers with a promise to set up a meet later, through text. That’s great. Here’s where things go south though.
Rather than texting her to set up the date, you text her just to pass the time. What’s actually happening is that you’re trying to get to know her through the medium of a text message. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but to her it looks like you’re putting off the date, which tells her that you’re not really interested. It’s sending mixed signals.
You can use texting to get to know her, and even to build sexual tension as I explained in my post 5 Tips to Make a Girl Want You Through Text. What you can’t do is seem like you’re waffling. You can’t come across like you’re scared to actually follow through with the date. So, text her. Set up the details for your night out. Then, do a little bit of additional texting. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll come across as a needy putz and she’ll kick you to the curb.
You’re Putting Her Down
Another massive mistake that some guys make with texting is using it to put women down. This is a supposedly legitimate tactic called “negging”. It’s a manipulation technique designed to lower a woman’s self-confidence and self-esteem. The underlying idea here is that you make her think that she’s not worth any other guy’s time, and that you’re the only one who will bother with her.
Let me be completely clear about this – negging is a terrible idea. It’s a horrible, manipulative practice that is just one step removed from gaslighting. It’s actually a form of emotional abuse. Real men have the confidence to avoid using the same tactics as abusers. So, if you’re thinking about going the negging route, don’t.
What should you do instead? Build her up. Make her feel good about herself. Boost her self-esteem and self-confidence. Won’t that backfire? Won’t that make her realize that she can have any guy she wants, and encourage her to leave your sorry butt in the dirt? Well, if she does, then she wasn’t for you anyway.
There’s also the fact that if you build her up, she’ll see you in a much more positive light and be far more likely to stay with you anyway. Finally, if she does find another guy, it means that you probably need to do some work on yourself to make you a better catch in the first place.
Being Too Serious
Yes, you want to get to know the girl, and you hope that she wants to get to know you, too. You can do that to an extent over text, but it’s really not a great medium for serious discussions. It can be exhausting just typing out long paragraphs, much less trying to read inflection and meaning.
Save your serious discussions for when you’re together. Use texting to flirt. Use it to make her laugh. Use it to build tension in her. Just don’t over use it. My advice is to scale your texting back, and to keep things lighthearted. Even throw in some emoticons here and there to add some fun (and to make sure that she gets your actual intent).
Waiting Too Long to Text Her
While you shouldn’t overdo your texting to the girl you’re interested in, you also don’t want to let things get too cold, particularly after you first meet. Let’s go back to our original scenario with the gym.
You meet the girl and exchange numbers, with a promise to set up a date. Now, there’s an old rule out there that says you need to wait three days before you contact a girl after getting her phone number. That’s idiocy.
Women today don’t want to wait for ages to hear from you. Life moves faster now. Women want to be contacted much sooner – within 24 hours, ideally. Waiting longer than that shows that you’re not really all that interested in her, and she’s likely to start moving on.
Text her early. Set your date plans. Then pepper in a few other texts here and there, but keep things light.
Communication today moves at the speed of thought in many instances, but you should not reply to her texts the second they come through. That makes it look like you’re just sitting there, phone in hand, waiting for her to text you.
It makes you look desperate and sad.
Don’t be that guy. Instead, give her texts a bit of time. My recommendation is that you wait around 10 minutes before you reply. It may be longer than this, but I don’t recommend waiting longer than 30 minutes, and that should be rare unless you’re legitimately busy – you’re at work, or actually involved in an activity.
However, avoid going to the opposite extreme and making her wait for hours, or even a day, for a reply from you. There are ways to build tension by making her wait, but too long is too long. She’ll lose interest if you don’t keep her on your hook.
We’ve all seen those texts – a guy sends a girl he’s interested in a picture of his naked chest, covered in sweat after a workout. Or, worse yet, you send a nude, or a picture of your junk.
Let’s be clear. There is never a reason to send those pictures unless she asks for them.
No, she will not appreciate a picture of your sweat-covered chest any more than she will a picture of your genitals. Unsolicited pictures of your body should never, ever be part of your dating toolkit.
In the End
When it’s all said and done, texting can be a valuable tool. It can help you stay connected with the women you’re interested in. However, it can be easily abused. It can be overused, and it can be used incorrectly. Use the tips I’ve laid out so you can communicate better and build tension, without making her want to delete your number.
If you’re still struggling to build your confidence, charisma, and attractiveness, I invite you to sign up for my Advanced Seduction Course - 'The T8 System' (click here). It’s the key to becoming the man that women want. Simply click the button below to continue on to the next page and watch the *secret* presentation where I go through the '9 Top Secret Methods to Completely Transform Your Sex Life in 8 Weeks or Less'..