The Most Versatile Seduction Tool: Using the Push-Pull Technique to Get Girls
If you’ve spent any time at all in the world of pickup techniques and seduction methodology, you’ve at least heard of the push-pull technique. It’s a powerful tool that allows you to get girls more easily than would otherwise be possible. However, chances are good that you probably don’t know enough about the technique to actually put it to use. In this post, we’ll explore the push-pull method, and explain how to use it to ramp up your seduction results.
The Psychology of the Push-Pull Technique
Before I start explaining the basics of how to use the push-pull method, we need to first explore the psychology of what it is all about and how it works in general. Contrary to the name, there are actually three aspects to this technique. We’ll start with the first one:
Push – The push is exactly what it sounds like. You’re distancing yourself from the object of your attraction. This is generally done emotionally, but it may be physical in some situations (not many, and there are plenty of reasons to keep your hands to yourself in the early stages).
The psychology here is that you are establishing that you are not interested in her. Perhaps she’s not cool enough to get with a charismatic man like you. Maybe you’re establishing the fact that you have a high status. Whatever the case, you first push her away and distance yourself from her. By doing this, you achieve a couple of goals. You obviously establish that you’re not some poor fool completely besotted with her. You also make her wonder what it is that has turned you off.
Pull – The pull portion of the technique is where you bring her back closer to you. Again, this is generally an emotional pull, not a physical one. In this stage, you are showing her that you are attracted to her. You’re actively flirting with her.
The psychology of the pull is that you are showing her that you are actually attracted to her, that you want to get to know her, and spend more time with her. It doesn’t have to be sexual right off the bat. In fact, I’d recommend that it not be sexual at all until you’ve had more time to build her comfort with you.
Push/Pull – The combined push/pull does one thing and one thing only. It makes her interested in you. It attracts her to you and makes her wonder what it is that you are doing. She’s unsure why you are pushing her away, but then she is assured by your flirting, only to be destabilized once more when you push her away. It’s about keeping her footing unstable – you’re keeping her guessing, which drives her crazy.
Putting It All Together
Now that we have established some of the psychology that underlies this effective technique, I want to dive into a few pointers that will make all the difference.
Strike a Balance
First, understand that you need to keep your pushes and pulls balanced. You cannot have too many of one and not enough of the other. If you are pushing and pushing and pushing, guess what? She’s going to take the hint and leave. No one wants to be around someone who is just not into them, and that's exactly the signal you are sending with repeated pushes not offset by pulls.
However, too many pulls can be just as bad. You’re constantly getting closer to her – it’s like touching her shoulder. It’s great once or twice, and can drive attraction and even sexual tension. But if you keep doing that and nothing but that, over and over, it gets kind of creepy. You start to seem needy, and there’s no faster way to drive an attractive woman away than to be a needy guy.
You need to strike a balance here. For every push, there should be a pull. You need to keep her in equilibrium, even if that’s an unbalanced mental state for her. Remember the name of the game. It’s push/pull, not push/push/pull, or pull/pull/pull/push. Do one, then the other. It’s all about balance.
Reverse and Combine
The name of the technique might make you think that you need to push first, and then pull, but that’s not necessarily the case. You can pull then push, and sometimes you can even combine the two into a single sentence for a one-two punch that will really keep her on her toes.
For instance, “Wow, your body is absolutely incredible. I have a friend who would SO like to meet you.”
Sure, it’s a crude example, but it serves the purpose. In the example above, you sexualize the situation and increase sexual tension, but the very next instant you dump cold water on any building passion. You leave her wondering what exactly it is that you want. This does several things, but the most important is that it incites her curiosity. She’s primed to find out more about you and what it is that you’re interested in doing.
Here’s another quick example. You’ve been talking to her and flirting a little bit. You suddenly shake your head, like you’re trying to dislodge a thought or idea. You say, “Ok, you’ve got to go. You’re way too cute an you’re tempting me.” That is both a push and a pull, and it both ratchets up the tension by telling her that you think she’s cute, and intimating the sin of temptation, while also telling her verbally to get away from you.
Be Realistic with Your Pulls
Any compliment that you pay a woman is technically a pull. You need to handle these very carefully. Overdoing it can come off as disingenuous. In a worst-case scenario, you come off as a creepy dude and she’ll reach for the pepper spray (as she should if she feels threatened).
How do you avoid that outcome? Be realistic and at least somewhat sparing with your pulls. Don’t overdo it. Heavy-handed compliments will arouse suspicion, particularly if you haven’t gotten to know her well, or even spent much time around her.
For example, if you’ve chatted her up for five minutes, you might be well within reason to compliment her on how open and friendly she is. You could also compliment her eyes, hair, dress – anything that makes sense to have noticed in such a short span of time. However, you wouldn’t want to start complimenting things about her character. You don’t know her yet, and have no idea if she’s a good person or not.
Be Physical without Being Physical
Both pushes and pulls can be physical. However, there’s a lot to lose if you actually get touchy with her too soon. Again, you do NOT want to come across as that creepy guy. An invasion of her personal space before she’s ready for you to cross that barrier is a death sentence to any potential relationship. However, you can be physical without actually touching her.
Here’s a great example of a physical push that has nothing to do with actually putting your hands on her. You’re chatting her up, she’s laughing, and you pull by giving her a compliment. A moment later, you push by turning your back on her and talking to the person next to you. This will drive her crazy. It doesn’t even need to be another woman – it could be a guy. You’re simply showing that your interest has dropped, and she’ll wonder why, and what she can do to get you back focused on her again. In fact, she might actually reach out and touch you, physically turning you back around.
Physical Pulls without Establishing Permission
As a final note, I want to touch on something that some so-called experts recommend. They argue that physically pulling a woman closer to you, and then physically pushing her away, is a great way to build tension. The thinking makes sense, sure. As you pull her in, she’s wondering what’s going on. Are you going to try to kiss her? Are you going to hug her? Are you going to touch her?
Here’s the thing – grabbing a woman without at least tacit permission is a short road to being labeled as a douche. You cannot afford that. Never grab a woman and drag her toward you if you have not at least established some sort of approval to do so. In this situation, pepper spray to the face is the least of your worries. Criminal assault charges would/could even be possible.
In the End
Ultimately, the push-pull method can be incredibly powerful. So powerful, in fact, that you need to use it responsibly. By balancing your pushes and pulls, you create incredible curiosity in her, while also creating sexual tension over time.
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