How to Build the Comfort Level With Any Woman
You’ve met a girl. She’s hot, and seems to be pretty into you. You know you’re into her. However, when you try to escalate things, you end up rebuffed – she’s out, and she’s not coming back. What went wrong? Too many men shrug it off as being her issue. She was cold. She just wasn’t into you.
That’s probably not the case. The issue might actually have been you. Well, it might have been her comfort level with you, to be more precise. What the hell does comfort have to do with seduction, you wonder?
Why Does Comfort Matter?
Before we jump too far into this discussion, let’s establish why comfort matters in the first place. It doesn’t sound like something intrinsic to seduction, but the fact of the matter is that without a certain level of comfort, you’ll never progress to anything sexual with her.
Comfort means that she is comfortable with you. She feels that she knows you, at least well enough to sleep with you. She is comfortable in being around you, and feels that you want more from her than just sex. However, it’s also about attraction. It actually begins to be established when both you and she accept your mutual attraction.
It’s about changing her inner monologue from “I want him, but I don’t really know him very well,” to just “I have to have him”.
So, to sum up, comfort matters if you ever want to escalate your relationship to a sexual level. If you cannot make her comfortable, or you refuse to take the time to do so, then you’re going to crash and burn the first time you try to move to something more intimate. She’s not going to have it, and you can’t really blame her.
Of course, comfort isn’t the only thing you need to focus on. I explore those other topics in my post 3 Things You Can Do to Avoid the Friend Zone, but for now, we’re going to stick with comfort and focus on showing you how to make any woman comfortable with you.
First, understand that no matter what anyone else says, no matter what they might show on TV or in Hollywood movies, it takes time to build comfort in a woman. Sure, there may be the one or two experiences in your life where there was an instant connection that led directly to sex without any difficulty, but understand that those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Take time to make her comfortable. Get to know her, and let her get to know you. Building comfort is about building familiarity. She needs to feel like she knows you, and that she knows you pretty well. Contrary to what you might want, most women don’t want to have sex with random men to whom they have little or no connection. Take the time necessary to establish that connection.
How much time should you take? There’s no easy answer here. It all depends on her; her personality, her history (including any traumatic experiences with men), and a lot more. She’ll let you know when she’s ready to move forward in a nonverbal way, though.
Explore Different Environments
While you’re taking your time to build comfort, you need to get her into different environments. This can greatly speed up the time necessary for her to feel like she knows you. Let’s look at two scenarios to illustrate this point:
1. You meet a hot girl in a club. You spend three hours there chatting her up and getting to know her.
2. You meet a hot girl in a club, but decide to ditch the scene. You grab a bite at a local restaurant, then hit a bar for a drink, then walk down the pier. In all, you’ve still only been with her for three hours.
Of those two scenarios, which one do you think is going to make the girl more comfortable with you? Both required the same amount of time, but they’re not going to have the same results. The second scenario will build comfort in her more quickly. Why is that?
It’s because you’ve gotten her out and into different environments. She has seen you and interacted with you in multiple venues. This makes her feel more familiar with you – she feels like she knows you better because of those different environments.
Don’t Get Grabby
While you’re spending time with her and getting her into different environments, you need to remember one thing – she’s not yet comfortable with you, so you need to keep your mitts to yourself. That’s right. You cannot get grabby here. If you start pawing at her behind or chest, what do you think her first reaction will be? Most likely a right hook to the face, followed by a call to the police, and you’d deserve both.
Realize that you’re building comfort by NOT groping her when she doesn’t want it. You’re scoring points by not being a scumbag sleaze ball. You’re making her more interested in you by not being all over her in the beginning.
Does that mean you cannot touch her at all? No. Actually, some touching is vital to upping the ante, increasing her desire, and showing her that you are into her and that you want more than just friendship.
Touch Her in Non-Threatening Ways
So, if you can’t grope her right away, but touch is important, what should you do? It’s all about being non-threatening, but still showing that you want more than just friendship. Touch her in non-sexual places.
A hand on the shoulder is usually not threatening, and is not sexual. Take her hand and pull her to another spot in the club or bar. Hold her hand while you’re out for a nighttime stroll. Brush a strand of hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear.
It’s about slowly building comfort with your touch in particular and with you in general.
You got her attention with your playboy attitude. That’s great! Now drop the act. Stop playing the game. It’s time for a reality check. Once you’ve gotten her attention and she’s interested in you, it’s time to be real with her. Playing is all well and good. It can be a fun way to meet women, but the act has no place in the comfort building stage.
It’s also important to understand that while women are attracted to the playboy, they expect there to be more to you than that. If there’s not, or you don't drop the act soon enough, you can kiss any chance of building comfort goodbye.
Show That You’re Interested
Ok, if you’ve done things right, she probably knows that you’re at least interested in sex, but you need to go farther. She wants you to be interested in more than that. No, I’m not suggesting you start an exclusive relationship, or that you get down on one knee. You just need to show that you’re genuinely interested in her as a person, beyond the hoped-for fun in the sack. How do you do that? It’s actually shockingly simple – you listen to her.
If all you do is talk about yourself, your friends, your interests, your achievements and the like, you leave no room for her. You also show without a doubt that you’re only interested in yourself. And, let’s face it, if that sounds like you, then you’re really not that interesting. Show that you value her. Listen to what she has to say. Ask questions, even personal ones. That’s what she wants, someone to get to know her.
Give Her Some Space
If you do your job well, you’ll build sexual tension while also building trust. Eventually, that will culminate with her coming back to your place (or something similar). That’s excellent. However, it’s not quite the end game yet.
You need to resist the urge to rush right into the main act. There’s more to do here, and I’m not talking about foreplay, either. What I mean is that you need to table the sex stuff when you get to your place. Play it cool. Offer her a drink. Turn on some music, or the TV. Talk a little bit while still touching her (non-sexually). You need to give her some space – room to make sure that she’s actually comfortable with you and into what comes next.
This is yet another chance to build trust with her, and to show her that you’re not just a sex-crazed guy who wants nothing more than to get her into bed. Remember, no girl wants to be thought of as nothing but an object of sexual desire.
Ultimately, taking it slow, building trust and comfort with strategy, will result in a much better experience. You’ll help avoid the possibility that she’ll shut you down. If you've done all that and wanna take it to the next level, check out my Advanced Seduction Course, The T8 System (click here) – it includes everything you need to know, from vital first date advice to sealing the deal. Click the button below and for a limited time watch my free video presentation to see whether it's for you.