What You Need to Know to Be Smooth with Women
We all know one or two guys who can walk into a room, pick out a woman, and be chatting her up in just seconds. He never seems to say anything wrong. He’s always ready with just the right one-liner. He’s always got a perfect joke lined up.
You, on the other hand, have trouble stringing two words together when you meet a beautiful woman. You stop speaking. You stammer. Your jokes fall flat. Sound familiar? What’s the difference between you and your friend?
It’s tempting to think that he has some inner quality that you lack, or that he’s got a faster wit, or that he’s just more experienced. The truth of the matter is actually that he just knows how to be smooth with women. The good news is that anyone can learn to be smooth. It’s a skill, like being a good conversationalist, or knowing how to dress to impress.
It’s All an Illusion
When you see someone with skills in action, it’s tempting to think that he’s immune to the same fears, worries and insecurities that plague you, a mere mortal. He seems completely unfazed by any off-hand comments she might make. He’s able to roll with the punches. He acts completely natural, and like he has known her his entire life.
Realize that this is all an illusion. Guys share pretty much the same insecurities and fears. Our worries are pretty similar. The difference between you and your smooth-talking friend is that he knows how to hide those insecurities until they naturally fade away as he develops familiarity with the woman in question. Once you realize that there’s no magic in this, it becomes a bit easier to really get into the act. So, how do you learn how to be smooth with women?
Choose a Role Model
First, I recommend picking a guy who comes across as smooth that you can emulate. Who might that be? Well, really, it can be anyone. Think about Dwayne Johnson (the Rock). Sure, he plays some real dorks in some of his movies, but the guy himself, in real life, is as smooth as can be. He wasn’t always like that, though. Check out some of his early pre-pro-wrestling stuff and you’ll see that he was actually pretty rough around the edges. He worked at it, and developed himself. Today, he’s one of the top actors in Hollywood in terms of pay, but also in popularity because of his charm, charisma, and confidence.
Another guy you might want to emulate is James Bond. Can you think of anyone more suave? Anyone who is able to interact with the ladies smoothly? Bond is always confident, always composed. No matter what disaster he might be facing, he always has the right thing to say to his woman of the moment.
Who else? There’s George Clooney, of course, and any number of characters that he has played in film. There’s also Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark. Or, if you want to go a bit further into the past, think about James Dean’s Jim Stark character, or Steve McQueen’s Frank Bullitt.
Do you need to choose a character and then adopt their lines and body language? Hell no. That’s not even remotely what I’m suggesting, and if you were to do that, you’d most likely be immediately found out and kicked to the curb.
Rather than stealing lines from characters’ mouths, study them. What makes them smooth? How do they hold themselves when they’re speaking to a woman, or to a mortal enemy for that matter? What sort of attitude do they exude?
Find at least one role model and then learn from him. There’s no need to be a copycat, though.
Build Up Yourself
Ask the average woman what it is that she finds attractive in a man, and she’s likely to say it is money, or physical good looks. It could be physical strength, or it could be any number of other superficial things. However, look deeper into the situation. What sort of men do these women actually settle down with?
You’ll find guys with all sorts of body shapes. Guys in all sizes. Guys all colors of the rainbow. Guys who make all sorts of incomes, but not really part of the 1%.
Are women settling? Sure, I’d lay money that a handful are, but most women are actually more attracted to things that lie deeper than the surface. It’s about more than perfectly coifed hair, and an impeccable suit. It’s about more than the perfect joke for an icebreaker.
Women, it seems, are attracted to men’s character. That means you need to work on building yourself up in order to snag their interest. Women appreciate men who are confident and charismatic. They like a man who can take charge – a true alpha. They want a guy who can be funny, but also compassionate. They want guys who listen to them and value what they bring to the table.
My advice is to know yourself. Identify your flaws, admit them, and then work to change things. Know who you are, where you want to go in life, and how you are going to get there. Not only will that help make you a more interesting guy, but it will also build your self-confidence. When it comes to being smooth with women, nothing matters more than that. Self-confidence is the absolute foundation of any approach. If you are unconfident, women will sense that. You’ll come across as fake, and there’s nowhere to go but down from there.
Fix yourself. Build your confidence. Your smooth game will come from that.
One of the most defining characteristics of a smooth guy is that he doesn’t care all that much at times. He is able to pull back from that particular precipice. How do you do that, though? It’s really like I explained in my post on using the push-pull technique.
Why go this route, though? By acting interested at first, and then disinterested, you incite curiosity. Not only that, but pulling back and acting like things don't faze you shows that you are unconcerned with being liked. Again, it speaks to confidence. A man who knows his own value, deeply and intrinsically, does not need the validation of other people.
It also sets you up as a challenge. Women don’t want the low-hanging fruit – the guys who are so desperate for their attention that they will do anything to gain it. They want someone who requires work to catch. They want a challenge. By being that guy, you immediately come across more smoothly. You try less. You struggle less.
Be in Control
When you think about men who come across as ultra-smooth, what do you think of? Are they insecure in their place among others? Are they angry little men? Do they like to threaten or force others into submissive roles around them? These are not smooth guys. They are insecure people who have a thing for control, although true control always eludes them.
In order to be smooth, you need to be in complete control. First and foremost, that means being in control of yourself and your emotions. It requires that you realize you can only ever control yourself – your power does not extend to other people or situations. However, your control can lead to influence over other people and over situations. By being in control of yourself at all times, you come across as a strong, capable leader. Other people will begin deferring to you in many instances. You’ll even find that situations that might have worked out differently tend to go your way.
Beyond everything else, a man in control of himself can be incredibly smooth. You know yourself, know what you want, and are not afraid to go for it. However, you also know the limits of that approach and understand when to interject humor, when to pull back, and when to show interest.
Be the man that is in control of himself and you will always be smooth.
Be Relaxed and Effortless
My final tip is this – be relaxed and effortless in your interactions with women (and other men for that matter). Smooth men are not stiff and uncomfortable. They don’t stand there with their arms crossed tightly across their chests. They’re comfortable and confident. They also don’t stutter and stammer. They don’t chime in at every opportunity in a conversation, but only when they have something worth saying that is on point, or that is deliberately designed for impact. They are effortless in their conversation and interaction.
When it’s all said and done, absolutely anyone can learn how to be smooth with women. It’s not something you’re born with, and it’s not magic. It’s merely a byproduct, actually. By knowing yourself, building your self-confidence, and learning how to relax and be in control of yourself, you will automatically become smoother.
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