6 Ways to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back
If you followed the tips I laid out in my post on 5 Steps on How to Get a Girlfriend, chances are good that you wowed the woman of your dreams and were able to start a relationship. However, it’s also possible that things ultimately ended up going south and she broke up with you.
My personal recommendation is to move on – confident men don’t pine for women who’ve dumped them.
With that being said, if you just can’t get her out of your head, or you’re convinced that she’s the one and you can make it work if she’ll just give you another chance, it may be worth pursuing her a bit. In this post, I’ll cover some of the most effective ways to get your ex-girlfriend back.
Laying the Groundwork
Before you can make the ask with any kind of assurance that she’ll agree to get back together with you, there are a few things that need to be done. You need to lay the groundwork – build the foundation, if you will. Think of it like building a home after a hurricane blew through and destroyed it the first time. You need it to be stronger than the last house that stood on that spot, and a home’s strength begins with its foundation.
The most important part of this process is admitting your guilt in destroying the relationship in the first place. While you might not be the only one to blame for your relationship’s demise, chances are excellent that you had a role in it. Think back to what you said, did, or how you acted. Identify what went wrong, and admit to yourself that you were responsible for the breakup, at least in part.
During this stage, you also need to realize that some things may not be fixable. They’re as much a part of you as they are deal-enders for her. What falls into this camp? Usually, it’s all about commitment.
You’re not willing to commit: If you are holding out on committing to her, then chances are good she’s going to leave you and getting back together might not be possible. Most women don’t have time for guys who won’t commit, and subconsciously will still feel she’s on some sort of deadline. If you cannot change your own mindset, it’s usually best to quit the relationship completely.
Commitment equates to long-term support: By failing to commit to her, even if it is subconsciously, you’re basically telling her that you will not be there for her if things get tough. For instance, an unexpected pregnancy – she’s getting signals that tell her you’re probably not going to hang around and be a dad.
You get the idea – if you cannot commit to her, then chances are good she’s picking up on that. It’s also a good sign that you don’t need to rekindle the relationship, and it is probably best that you both go your separate ways.
Now that you’ve started the process, we can move on to the next step.
Curb Your Grief and Anger
It’s natural to want to lash out during a breakup and immediately after, particularly if you were blindsided by it. It’s an ending, and often no less painful than dealing with the death of someone close. You’re grieving, and anger is a natural part of that. Avoid the temptation to lash out at her. If you do, you make it that much harder to get back together again. She’ll need to find a way to get past how you acted before she can see you as a suitable boyfriend, and that can be tough to do. So, don’t push her away. Douse your anger. Act like a decent human being and you make it more likely that this will work out well for you.
Cut Off Communication
The next thing you need to do is to cut communication between the two of you. That can be difficult to do, particularly if you’re really hung up on her. However, as long as there is regular communication between you, it’s impossible for you to move forward. Now, when I say cut off communications, I mean it.
No chatting through Facebook Messenger or Snapchat
No text messaging
No sending messages through mutual friends
You need to excise yourself from her life. Cutting off communications is vital for making her think about you in the best light possible. That old adage, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” applies to emotional distance as well as physical distance. Without being able to hear from you, she’ll think about you more.
Resist the Urge to Do for Her
For too many guys, the path back to her heart is seen as doing things for her. You might bring over dinner a couple of nights per week so she doesn’t have to cook. Or, you could realize she’s had a long day, and decide to do the dishes for her, or to go get her dry cleaning. It could be any number of other things that are nice to do and should make her appreciate you more. Here’s the thing, though. That’s going to backfire.
In a best-case scenario, it will put you in the friend zone. She sees that you’re ok with not being with her, but that you still want to do things together. She sees that you’re being nice to her, and that the breakup is fine with you. In a worst-case scenario, she realizes that you’re only doing those things to get back with her, which makes you look weak and needy.
So, in addition to cutting communication, you need to remove yourself from her life no matter how badly you want to be a part of it. You cannot risk being stuck in the friend zone, and you sure can’t risk her thinking that you’re a needy guy who just can’t let go.
Build Your Own Value
While you’re taking your ex-girlfriend-hiatus, it’s time to start working on yourself. You need to remake yourself into the “total package”. This involves a number of things. First, you should consider whether or not you’re an alpha male or a beta male. Tip – women crave alphas and only settle for betas.
You also need to work on other things. Now might be the time to lose those extra 10 pounds (or more in some cases, particularly if you’re coming out of a long relationship and have let yourself go). Working out and following a strict diet will help you carve the body that will make her long to be with you.
Don’t neglect the self-development aspect of this. Take a very long, hard look at what went wrong and identify areas where your personality might have played a significant role. Identify character flaws and work on them. When she comes back around, you want her to see that you have changed, and that those changes are for the good.
When She Comes Back
In almost all instances, your ex is going to go through three different phases, with the third phase centered on you. In some instances, this is a wistful longing for what she had before. In others, it is a curiosity to see if you have changed your ways. In other situations, it is more about her realizing exactly what it was that she threw away. In all instances, she will eventually get back in touch with you. Handle this correctly.
First, play it casual. Be friendly on the phone or text, but do not be overly enthusiastic. Seem happy to hear from her, but not overjoyed. In fact, it’s best that you act like you’re busy and don’t have a lot of time for her at the moment. Let her know that you’ll call her back later, and let that be the end of it.
This sets up a chain reaction in her head. She sees that A) you’re not destitute without her, that B) you’re happy to hear from her and C) it creates an expectation that you’ll be returning her call, which builds tension and anticipation. Those are good things – they make her WANT you to call her, which delivers a rush of endorphins when you finally do get around to calling her back.
How long should you wait? That really depends, but in most situations, I would recommend a couple of hours at the least, and maybe a full day at the most. You don’t want her to think you’ve forgotten about her, but you also don’t want her to think that you’re overeager.
In the End
While I cannot guarantee that you’ll get back with your ex, following the steps above will help give you the best chance of rekindling that flame. However, understand that you might need to work on yourself more than you realize. If you want to really up your game in terms of confidence and attractiveness, sign up for my Advanced Seduction Course - 'The T8 System' (click here). There, you'll learn ALL the skills you need to know on successfully attracting and seducing women. Simply click the button below to continue on to the next page and watch the *secret* presentation where I go through the '9 Top Secret Methods to Completely Transform Your Sex Life in 8 Weeks or Less'..