What You Need to Know to Be the Coolest Guy in the Room
As you explore the world of social interaction, you’ll find that being “cool” is less about you and your own interests than it is about other people. In fact, being cool is all about other people – their expectations, their perceptions, their expectations. The good news is that “cool” is something that can be taught and learned. It’s more akin to confidence or charisma than it is some innate talent. Of course, you’ll need to know a few things if you really do want to be the coolest guy in the room and attract the attention of beautiful women.
Why Be the “Coolest”?
First, let’s address the question of why the cool factor matters in the first place. Shouldn’t women notice you regardless? In an ideal world, sure. However, we don’t live in that world. In a perfect scenario, a woman would be willing to get to know you before making up her mind whether you were worth her time or not.
The problem is that our world is fast-paced, and we make decisions based on split-second assessments of someone. You walk in the door of the club, calm and collected. Someone cuts in front of you, and you catch the back of their heel with your toe, and stumble. A woman watching you immediately laughs and thinks you’re a klutz.
Another reason is that women (and men) are attracted to people they think are cool. Women will get closer, even bump into you. Even men who would otherwise act like rivals will fall into a subordinate role, reinforcing your alpha male status. On the other hand, people try to distance themselves from those they feel are uncool or lame. They might laugh behind your back, or even to your face. They will find ways to avoid spending time with you, and will not include you in conversations.
As you can see, being the coolest guy in the room is actually about ensuring your value and status is seen and appreciated by others. It’s not just about attracting women, either. It’s about establishing your dominance within the social circles through which you move.
Convinced that being cool is important? Great. Let’s talk about how you do that with a few simple steps.
1. You Need to Dress the Part
If you have not yet read my post on dressing to impress women, I recommend you go do that now. It spells out everything you need to know about laying the groundwork to be the cool guy in the room. If you don’t dress correctly, you will immediately send the wrong vibe. You could be taken for a slob, or even as a dork who isn’t worth a woman’s time. Is being cool all about the clothes? Of course not. Think about cool people you know, and you’ll realize it is all to do with how they act, hold themselves, speak, and interact with others. However, their wardrobe certainly sets the expectation.
Think about it. Some schlub walks into a bar dressed in a Walmart-special t-shirt, a pair of stiff blue jeans, and wearing New Balance tennis shoes. His hair’s a mess, too. What’s your first thought? Probably something like, “Man, this guy’s in the wrong place,” or “Geez, this guy’s not setting high expectations, is he?”. See? That could be the most interesting man in the world, but no one is going to give him the time of day because he failed to live up to the expectation that a cool guy will dress well.
Does that mean walking in wearing a suit and tie? Don’t be ridiculous. Suits have their uses, but so do khakis, jeans, and all the rest. The coolest guy in the room will wear an ensemble suited for the environment, but also for their goals. Looking for romance? You’ll go for something that shows off the width of your shoulders, offsets your eyes, or emphasizes other positive physical characteristics.
2. Avoid Being a Hanger-On
We’ve all been here before, whether it was last week at the bar, a year ago at the big game, or back during high school at the “cool kid’s” party. You hit the event, dressed to kill, only to find that everyone has broken up into cliques and groups of people. You’re not really sure what to do with yourself, so you find a group with the coolest people you know, and you try to hang around the edge until you’re allowed access.
Don’t do that.
This is a sure way to mark yourself as a loser. The coolest guy in the room has no need to beg for some group of people to accept him. This automatically makes you look like a beta, not an alpha. You’re waiting for someone else to vet you, to prove that you have value, or relevance.
It makes you look lame.
If you step up to a group and you are not included within a minute or two, move on. Find another group that will treat you better and will include you in the conversation. Hell, I would go so far as to say that if you cannot find cool people who treat you well, be comfortable on your own. Often, the man who has the courage to go solo stands out as having confidence and strength. YOU will begin to attract others, rather than waiting on OTHERS to include you.
That’s what cool people do. They attract others that make them look good.
3. Don’t Be a Bore
When you think about cool people that you know or that you have interacted with in the past, how would you describe their personalities? Fun? Exciting? Intellectual? Interesting? I would lay money that you would say almost anything other than “boring”. Cool people are interesting in many different ways.
Of course, it can be tough to tell if you’re being interesting or if the other person is just being polite and nodding along as you talk. How do you tell the difference? It’s not that tough.
Are they asking questions? If a person is engaged with you, man or woman, they will ask questions to find out more information. If they are not asking questions, then they’re not really into you.
Are they moving closer? This is particularly important with women – if they find you both interesting and attractive, they will move closer. This is ostensibly so they can hear you better, but it’s actually a subconscious cue that they find you interesting and attractive.
Are they making eye contact? Sometimes, other people will verbally reply to what you’re saying, but they will be scanning the room, fiddling with their clothes or phone, or be otherwise busy. Someone who finds you interesting will make eye contact while you speak.
4. Listen Well
I’ve emphasized this point in too many posts, including 5 Tips to Ensure You Never Run Out of Things to Say to a Woman. If you want to appear interesting and cool, you will need to pay attention to the other person and what they are saying. People perceived as being cool by others actually listen to what other people have to say, and interact based on that.
If you’re only talking to hear the sound of your own voice, rather than to spark conversation (which is a two-way street), you’ll find that no matter what you do, no one finds you all that cool. Realize that if you do not listen, you have no way to really interact with anyone else. You’re stuck in an echo chamber with only your own thoughts for company.
A guy who’s actually cool realizes that other people have value beyond simply being a passive audience. Learn how to listen well, and then respond to what’s being said.
5. Use the Right Body Language
Humans communicate verbally, but we actually say a lot more without words. Nonverbal communication, or body language, can communicate volumes without you ever having to open your mouth. Arms folded in front of your body indicates that you’re closed off and not open to conversation – you cannot be approached.
To be the coolest guy in the room, you need to use body language to your advantage. How? Laugh and use open gestures. Modulate your voice correctly for the environment, the room, and even your audience. Let passion show through in your movements and posture.
There you have them – five tips to help you be cooler. Becoming the coolest guy in the room, capable of attracting both beautiful women and men who look up to you isn’t something you’ll master overnight, but it can be done.
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